The I-Have-Two-Gay-Dads Gift
December 8, 2020
My family was always two doors down for “normal.” We were atypical at the time. I didn’t know anyone else growing up that had two dads, especially no one who was biologically related to both of them…
For some reason growing up and feeling different from everyone else was freeing. Our family didn’t fit the typical mold and therefore neither did I. I could do things my way, even if people that it wasn’t the cool thing to do.
My dad calls that, “the gay gift.” Well, technically, I think my Uncle Herb was the first to use the term. But it means that because someone is gay they are automatically sitting outside of what is considered normal and therefore can sometimes stop feeling the pressure to fit in because they know they are different anyway. For my dad, it took off the pressure of being the child he thought his parents wanted. He was gay and therefore felt that he could never be that “perfect” idea of their child, so he just marched to the beat of his own drum and found magical possibilities on the other side, and landed in a place of acceptance and love.
So, I feel like even though I’m not gay, I kind of got this gift from my parents. We weren’t going to look the same as other families so why would we have to ever do things the same as everyone else?
I was a different kid. I never rebelled, actually, I would rejoice when my dad would show up at school to volunteer—even in middle school, I would jump up to hug him the second I saw him enter the room. I had a fantastic and very mature palate and absolutely no inkling of ordering off of the kids’ menu…in fact, I was somewhat offended when a server would hand me one…like how dare you assume I want chicken nuggets, I’ll take the lamb and a Caprese salad, please! I also stuck to my guns and was very bonded to my values at a very young age and didn’t like to veer from them.
Sometimes this made me less “cool” and less “popular” in the traditional sense. I didn’t get invited to many parties, or when I did I would turn them down because I’d rather go to dance class. Most of the time I didn’t mind that I didn’t fit in. I always had some friends and when in doubt I would remember that I was different from the start so there was no sense in trying to fit in now anyway. It was my I-have-two-gay-dads gift. (Thank you, Dad and Daddy!)
Someone asked me recently if it was hard growing up in a family that was different. Funnily enough, considering how much I think about myself daily, I hadn’t ever really thought about it. I took some time to mull it over and then I answered, “It wasn’t hard, it was freeing because no matter how hard I tried to look like everyone else, I was always going to be different.”
Here’s the thing though…everyone is always different in their own way. Even the kids that fit in. But so few of us actually permit ourselves to wholeheartedly be ourselves.
I’ll let you in on a little secret—you don’t need the gay gift or the I-have-two-gay-dads gift. You don’t have to be different on the outside to decide it’s okay to march to the beat of your own drum or to define what you believe to be right and feel good to you. You were born with the gift of being uniquely you. There’s no need to contain yourself or fit into anyone else’s box, label, or idea of who you are. Do things how you believe they should be done. Maybe that means you’ll be the first one to do something a certain way…inventions and movements wouldn’t have been created if people didn’t begin to think differently than those that came before them. So be different with or without a gift or anyone else’s permission because you have the greatest gift I could ever imagine. You get to be you.
Happy Day lovelies, I love you. XOXOX, CAMDW