September 22, 2020
I very commonly am running at about a million miles per minute. I think a part of that comes from not wanting to deal with/think about things going on in the world or fears that I have and a part of it is always that damn proving my worth.
As the tornado of my mind speeds up so do my actions and I start running carelessly through life. I become absent in everything I’m doing and my mind is always attempting and consistently failing to be in more than one place at once. When I speed up I make careless mistakes and sometimes even injure myself—like today. I was running so fast I cut my silly little finger and while it really was barely bigger than a papercut I’m a big weenie and fingers bleed a lot so I’ve been annoyed by it pretty much non-stop since it happened and super aggravated with myself that I let it happen in the first place. I said to Domi as I wrapped a band-aid around my sad little finger, “Why did I do this? This is so stupid!” To which he replied,
“Um, Baby, I’m pretty sure you didn’t do it on purpose.”
That’s for damn sure, but I could tell it was one of those things that if I had been thinking rationally and present at the moment I could’ve prevented it. And it got me thinking—this time it’s a small cut, but tomorrow it could be something worse if I don’t take the time to get present. So, it’s time to start focusing and getting my mind in the same place where my body is.
When I notice myself spiraling and speeding up and I chose to do something about it I have a few options. I can take time to meditate, or, just take a few deep breaths, or journal, or talk it out with someone I love. These are all grounding activities to me, but they may not work for you. We are unique beings each with individual needs, so take your time and find your way to bring yourself back to the present moment. What seems to work for you? I am super curious. I’m always looking for more ways to bring me back to center.
I love you, I wish you the happiest of days and I am sending big, big slow hugs. XOXO, CAMDW.