Creation Within Chaos
February 5, 2021
The kind woman who runs Moe’s doggy daycare texted me: “Hey Chelsea, I’m so sorry, but daycare will be closed this week.” To most, the text seems pretty mundane and unimportant, right? Well, to me, it didn’t.
I started to panic.
For those of you who don’t know our little puppy, Moe, I should tell you this: he is an unrelenting tornado of energy disguised in a teddy bear’s body complete with a set of the world’s most endearing eyes that look into your soul. He is certainly one of my greatest loves, and simultaneously one of my greatest annoyances.
Now you may be thinking I’m a horrible puppy mom to say that he is as annoying as f&%? a lot of the time, but hey, it’s the truth. He is cute as hell AND drives me nuts. He is a walking oxymoron.
I started to panic because, after months of feeling all over the place, I had finally created the perfect scenario so that I could both adore having our puppy and also make sure I could get work done. I especially made sure that I created two days per week where I wouldn’t schedule any appointments and Moe would go to daycare so that I would have time to feel inspired and turn that inspiration into tangible goods.
See, in my mind, in order to be inspired and to create everything had to be just right. I had to have my desk clear, Moe would have to be at daycare so that I wouldn’t worry about what he was going to get into. My tea would be the perfect temperature and I would have time to myself without any interruptions…the Universe had other plans.
Exactly the night before my new plan for being creative and inspired on schedule everything went to hell because Moe was going to be home and if there’s one thing I knew for sure it’s that when Moe is home for much of the day it’s impossible to get anything done.
I panicked. I tried to get back-up babysitters. I begged Domi to come home from work early. And then I stopped. I took a deep breath and I looked Moe square in the face and said, “Bud, you and I are going to learn how to do this whether there’s doggy daycare or not, okay?”
I’m pretty sure he said, “Okay Mom” back, but with that squeaky toy in his mouth there was really no way to be sure, but either way, I took that sparkle in his eye for agreement.
I let go of my idea of everything needing to be just right to create. I took off the pressure of having to have something to show for my day. And somehow today, the first day I’ve had Moe home while trying to create and find inspiration I’ve had more time to create and feel inspired than I have in months.
I took the time he needs to walk and used it as a time to also spend with my thoughts. I played with him and reminded myself that he brings out my inner child in the most beautiful way. I stopped my meditation when he started barking and gave him the attention he needs and deserves and told myself I’d get back to it when the timing was better. And now, my sweet tornado is at my feet napping while I write this.
I am learning to create within the chaos—and I have a feeling I’m going to need to learn how to do this more and more as we broach the idea of kids. Moe is a blessing to me. He teaches me even when I didn’t know I needed to be taught. He forces me to take breaks that I desperately need. And he sleeps a whole lot more than I ever realized.
My dad always says, “what you resist will persist.” I have resisted for months now having Moe at home while I’m trying to get work done, and in turn, every time he has been home while I’ve tried to work it’s been a nightmare. Then I gave in. I knew he was going to be home all week so I just decided that we would make it work and somehow I would figure out a way to create with interruptions.
Life is chock full of interruptions and no matter how hard you try to create the perfect plan and the perfect space you’ll never be able to quite get there because there is no such thing.
Now having him home while I work feels like a blessing. I get snuggles in-between paragraphs and walks to cure my writer’s block, and yes, I still sometimes get annoyed when he starts to destroy something when I’m not looking, but that happens a lot less as soon as I decided that we have an opportunity to work together instead of working against each other. (And as my family will constantly remind me—I am the one that wanted a puppy.) I adore this puppy and have from the moment he came into our lives. He can still be frustrating as hell because he’s a puppy, but resisting your scenario isn’t going to make it any easier for you to find the outcome you’re looking for. Embrace what’s in front of you as it is and find the beauty in the situation. It’s there.
Happy day lovelies. Sending you big chaotic creation hugs! XOXOX, CAMDW