How To Make Decisions Like A Grown-Up
November 2, 2021
Domi and I have now postponed a month-long trip for the two of us to Southeast Asia not once, not twice, but three times due to COVID and I know, it’s not a big deal, except for the fact that we happened to tie taking this trip to being the last big trip we’d take the two of us before we have kids. When the question came up the third time as to what we wanted to do we had to decide to postpone again for another year due to our schedules, which also would postpone us having little ones or to cancel all together and stick with our plan to start trying to have babies. Making this decision brought up all kinds of emotions and deep questions about our future. Also, everyone and their mother had an opinion about what we should do.
All I wanted was to have the decision made. I didn’t want to think about it anymore because every time I thought about it more it felt like I was muddying the waters and making things more complicated and emotional than they needed to be. My husband on the other hand? Well, he wanted time to think and process and then come to a decision. We also didn’t necessarily, initially agree about what we should do, which is not the norm for us.
The whole process was driving me bonkers. I hate having decisions that are waiting to be made, but I also couldn’t just make this decision without him because it affects both of us.
So, as per usual, I needed a new process to make a decision that allowed us to both have what we needed in our process of coming to a decision. I was desperate for something to cling to that would make sense when it felt like such massive decisions were up in the air.
Who else here feels like decision-making is one of the hardest things to do as an adult?
Okay, well, I can’t actually see your hands, but I feel like you raised yours, and if you do feel that way you are definitely not alone because I deeply feel the same way.
I can’t stand having decisions loom over me and for me, it creates such urgency in even making the simplest decisions that I often don’t make decisions I’m really happy with because I am in a rush to get them off of my plate. I tend to make decisions from a really emotional standpoint without taking time to also balance the logical side of thinking. I don’t believe we should necessarily weigh logic or emotion one more heavily than the other, but I think some balance between the two in addition to our intuition being used in our decision-making can feel life-changing.
But what do I do when I desperately just want the decision made already? Well, I have a new process that is working wonders for me.
1) Set a time boundary. Decide when you’ll have the decision made.
2) Don’t sit alone in your decision-making if you don’t want to. Call on your people, you don’t need to isolate yourself or put all the onus on your to make any decision if that’s not what you want.
3) Check-in and get quiet and listen to your intuition—not the loud screamy voice that’s yelling in fear, but the quiet brave one that tells you what your heart is really feeling.
This holistic way to make decisions has become a huge comfort for me because I don’t feel alone, I don’t feel like the sword of Damocles is hanging over my head and I also get to tap into my heart and my emotions which feels very right to me.
You have freedom in how you make decisions and you can get more sleep at night with some boundaries for when you want to think about the decision and when you don’t and I love sleeping more at night.
I love you, friends, I’m thinking about you. XOXOX, CAMDW