August 18, 2020
I am a stickler for being organized and having a plan. A good plan to me is like the world’s most incredible security blanket. I feel safe and warm and wrapped-up in having control. Well, what happens when you take one hyper-organized person and pair her with someone who thrives off of spontaneity? Well, at first, panic.
I married such a spontaneous human and I adore that about him. He loves to randomly decide to do something or change plans and to me that incites everything short of a panic attack. Even if he’s just changing our plans for date night I get a slightly unsettled feeling in my tummy and have to allow myself time to readjust. So, yesterday, when he thought we should change our plans for the next month completely I got stressed and overwhelmed and shaky.
Here’s the nutty thing. When he proposed this new plan, it was something I had always dreamed of doing, but of course, I thought we would have planned this adventure in advance not on, as we jokingly say in my family, “the sperm of the moment.”
My initial reaction was to say, “That’s a nice thought, why don’t we do it next year instead with some advance planning?”
He responded with, “Honestly, why not now? We’ve always talked about doing this. This is a perfect time. We were supposed to be gone the entire month of September anyway. Next year I’ll be working full-time, this is a perfect time.”
Everything inside me wanted to resist. Everything inside me was saying, “No, we have to stick to the plan. We have airline tickets and rental cars, it’s too much.”
But this little tiny, annoyingly insistent voice said, “He’s right. If not now, when?” So, we made the decision to stay in our little slice of heaven for much longer than planned and my creative side was doing a happy dance knowing this is what I’ve always wanted to do, while my linear side was sidestepping every landmine in my mind that exists. But when we made the decision everything really started to fall into place. I moved the one appointment I had scheduled…getting Moe neutered (congrats bud, you can keep your balls for another month) and everything started to align.
So, I did not plan on filming this video here, with mediocre lighting and imperfect sound. I did not know I would be spontaneously talking about spontaneity. But here we are.
Everything is complicated and confusing right now and plans are changing rapid fire—most of the time without us having any control over them. If slowly, little by little, we can lean into spontaneous decision-making we might actually become more comfortable instead of less. We don’t have to chuck our plans out the window, but maybe it’s okay if they aren’t ironclad. Maybe there’s a little trap door in our plans that allows for incredible adventures to sneak in.
Happy Tuesday friends, I love you and I hope you have an incredible, spontaneous day. Here’s to unexpected adventures during an unprecedented time. Be safe. Take care of yourself and follow your heart. XOXO, CAMDW.