In case you missed it, Domi and I are having a baby!! We are beyond excited to welcome a new member to the family, but the roller coaster of emotions I’ve felt since looking at those two pink lines on the (third) pregnancy test I took that fateful Sunday in November has been overwhelming. No, it wasn’t a shock that I’m pregnant, but somehow, even though it was planned, it was a surprise. Now that I’m in my second trimester and am not consistently hovering over a bucket or toilet I’ve had some time to mull over everything I’ve been learning while being pregnant and have realized there are so many things that apply to every stage in life that I hope I will take with me beyond pregnancy and I thought they might be helpful for you too.

All emotions are valid.

Of everything, this one is the biggest lesson I’ve had to learn over and over and over and then over again. I’ve said this so many times pre-pregnancy, but somehow I forgot that it still applied to pregnant Chelsea. I cried several times in my therapist’s office after finding out we were expecting because I felt like I wasn’t excited enough. There had to be something wrong with me. I looked at the positive pregnancy test and there was a glimmer of excitement that quickly faded into barely veiled panic and nausea (and that was before the morning sickness started). Thoughts of the future and what would happen to my career, my relationship with Domi, traveling as a couple, and everything changing terrified me. I thought that feeling that way meant that I was going to be a bad mom. That I had made a mistake. That I didn’t care about this little nugget growing inside of me. That I had to hide this from Domi or he would think I was a terrible person. And this was especially shocking to me because I’ve always wanted to be a mom. I felt very alone, even more so since it was a time when we weren’t telling people that we were going to have a baby. I was isolated, scared, and distant. None of this was what I expected would occur when finding out that I was pregnant. But this started to change after a little while. I began getting excited, like really excited and began feeling like I couldn’t wait for the next chapter. And then I’d hit a day where I felt like I couldn’t get out of bed because I was so overwhelmed. Please know, this is very hard for me to write. I still feel a little embarrassed, but the idea that maybe one other person doesn’t have to feel alone in this is reason enough for me to be brutally honest with you.

With any big life change, you cannot anticipate how you are going to feel. You have no idea, but please remember, your reaction regardless of what it is to anything even what you believe should be joyous news is normal, natural, and exactly as it should be. Every emotion is welcome, it’s all a journey and something you can learn from. And emotions can change quickly, especially if you have hormones raging throughout your body, but even if you don’t. Be patient with yourself. Allow yourself time to adjust to change. It’s okay to be afraid, terrified, and not excited and it’s also okay to be thrilled and over the moon and not afraid or simultaneously terrified and excited.

I started to feel more excited when I talked to Domi and realized he was nervous too. Then I became much less nervous as we told family and friends and I learned again that I’m not alone. Being able to talk about how I was feeling was so helpful.

Life is a rollercoaster. Change is constant and the more we can lean into whatever it is we’re feeling knowing it’ll change the easier we can make it on ourselves.

The best advice my therapist gave me about parenting is that Domi and I get to do it our way, we don’t have to do it anyone else’s and that was a huge relief. It was a realization that if we want to travel to Europe with a five-month-old, that’s our prerogative, regardless of the parents that will read this and think, “okay, just wait until you actually have the kid.” But remember that this applies to anything you do. You can do life your way. So take the pressure off and allow yourself to be exactly as you are right now without judgment.

There is nothing that will magically take your body image issues away.

I also thought that the day I found out I was pregnant I would magically think that my body was perfect, beautiful, and amazing. Much to my chagrin that did not happen. I was sometimes even more judgmental about my body. Why didn’t I work out more before I got pregnant? What was I doing eating so much when we were on vacation? What I learned from this is that no matter where we go, we go with ourselves. So, even if we change jobs, locations, or states of being we are still there and so are the things that caused us stress before.

What this means is that there is also an opportunity to change the way we feel about ourselves, our beauty, and our worth every single day. Don’t wait until you’re pregnant, change jobs, or relocate to decide you and your body are incredible, beautiful, and fascinating. You can decide that now. Sadly, there’s no easy button past these things, but that also means there are opportunities everywhere to grow.

Listen to what your body is telling you.

I have always been an expert at ignoring my body’s cues. Whether it’s so I could just get one more thing checked off of my to-do list or stopping myself from eating something I really wanted, I nailed it. Sadly. But there’s something that happens when you’re pregnant, you don’t get to ignore those cues anymore because it’s not good for you and another little human. But why wait until you’re pregnant or someone else is relying on you to listen to your body? Our bodies are so powerful and will tell us so many things about what we need whether it be food, sleep, or a good cry. You don’t need an excuse to listen to your body. It is not a luxury. It is how we should function daily. We’ve been taught to ignore what we’re being told by our greatest instrument by so many scripts that we receive from family, friends, and society, but let that stop today and allow yourself to listen to what you need. This will take practice and patience, but I believe in you.

The journey isn’t all magical and glow-y all the time.

You may love your job. You may love your spouse. You may love being pregnant, but nothing is glowy and perfect feeling all the time. Allow space for every part of it. Whatever “it” is.

Ask for help.

You are always allowed to ask for help. You don’t need permission or a reason to be overwhelmed you can just want help. It doesn’t make you weak, less hard-working, or not good enough, it makes you human. The more help we can ask for the more we can free up the space to do the things we love, take care of ourselves and our loved ones, and find the enjoyment that we all deserve in life.

Find a community of experts that you trust and choose the people you involve in how you feel and what you need carefully.

As you can tell I’m pretty much an open book. I love answering questions and nothing is really too personal, but I’ve also found during this journey that sometimes we need to go to specific people with specific needs and not everyone needs to know everything about your experience. This is mainly because everyone has an opinion and a reason why they think they’re right.

For example, someone who has never carried a child may think they know the best things you should be doing or someone that already has children may think you’re overreacting to these things that are new for you, but this is true about anything in life. Opinions are just that, opinions and if they don’t jive with you-chuck them out.

You don’t have to be an open book and sometimes figuring out who to go to at different times in your life can make those moments even more special for those you decide to share with.

I think it goes without saying that everyone is going through something in life. Whatever it is, whether it be a big life change or just life being life give yourself grace and ease. You are exactly where you need to be. You will figure this out. There is so much wonder and amazingness ahead.

I love you, you’ve got this. XOXOX, CAMDW