So, apparently, April is “Stress Awareness Month…” Who knew? Although I don’t really think we need a month to remind ourselves that we’re stressed out since we feel it pretty much every day. So often I’ve said that I was dropped off at the wrong competition. We’re all out there looking for tools to de-stress yet using our high levels of overwhelm and busy schedules as proof that we’re successful. It’s incredibly counterintuitive and honestly not all that helpful when it comes to our well-being and mental health. 

I don’t believe that it’s possible to live in a stress-free world, at least not for me…I can’t see what that reality might look like. And trying to hide from our stress or ignore it only seems to compound it. However, I feel that we can find tools to work through stress and decrease or manage stress so that our stress levels don’t dictate how we make decisions, impact our relationships, and land us with panic attacks in the hospital. Okay, maybe that last example is just me, but I’m here to tell you if we don’t do something about our stress…it can happen.

I tend to talk a lot about how meditation and journaling have changed my life and don’t get me wrong, they have, but I want to offer some other tools that are right at our fingertips if sitting quietly isn’t your thing. 

Let’s look at three areas of our lives where we can start to mitigate stress:

Technology

I love technology, and I even love social media (most of the time), but so much screen time tends to add to my stress without me even noticing that it’s happening.

Every time I get in the car I turn on Google Maps for directions–even when I know where I’m going. Yes, it makes sense, I live in LA and traffic is, well, horrendous, so it’s nice to know how long it’s going to take me to get somewhere. However, I’ve also developed a habit of wanting to beat the time on the GPS and that has not proven all that helpful for me. When I’m driving home from the office there’s no reason I have to have it on or that I need to be in a rush to get there. it’s just become a habit that I turn it on. I find myself constantly checking the screen, and looking at the time, oftentimes more than once per minute.

One morning on my way to work when I wasn’t in a rush I didn’t turn it on. My eyes were tired from screen time (even though it was only about 9 am) and I made the conscious choice just to check how long it was going to take, turn off my phone, and put it in the cupholder. I noticed that my breathing slowed. I felt more relaxed. I listened to an audiobook and enjoyed the drive. It decreased my stress level. I found more joy. I felt more relaxed and able to be productive instead of getting to work already feeling behind.

As I mentioned in the story above, it was only 9 am and my eyes were tired from various screens. Well, that’s likely because I pick up my phone first thing in the morning out of habit. I start scrolling on social media, check my texts and my emails, and check social media again. The scrolling happens over my morning coffee–one of my favorite times of day and it tends to make me anxious, my mind starts speeding up, and I get overwhelmed before the day has even really begun. Then I spoke to two different friends about their Pinterest habits. They mentioned that instead of scrolling through Instagram or TikTok they look at Pinterest. One, my friend, Emilie Leyes (who by the way does amazing work in the healing space and you should check out their stuff on IG or TikTok @emilieleyes/@emilieleyes.hypnosis respectively), mentioned that she made a vision board on Pinterest that she scrolls through in the mornings or at night when she has that itch to pick up her phone and start scrolling. I tried this and it, too, decreased my stress level. I started my day envisioning things I’m excited about for the future and the present. I felt more at peace, happier, and ready for the day. I also started to find other options for my morning coffee time. Sometimes I now leave my phone upstairs and just talk to Domi or pet Moe, I pick up the latest book I’m reading, or knit a row or two of the baby blanket I’m working on. It helped me realize that there are other options than what has become habitual. 

There are little things we do every day around technology that increase our stress without us even noticing it. But we can make conscious choices about what we want to be doing instead. 

First, become aware of what is habitually creating stress. Start doing one thing at a time to help you realize and become more mindful of the activities you do just out of habit. 

Second, choose to do something else. You can try as many different things as you like until something feels enjoyable and like it’s working. You can opt to do the habitual thing too, just as long as you’re aware you’re doing it and actively are choosing to do “the thing.”

Third, take note of how you feel when you make the switch. It might feel uncomfortable for a moment. You might miss the habitual “thing.” That’s okay, you can choose something else at any time, just notice what is going on with your stress level. 

Fourth, continue to make a choice. Remember that you are not being forced to do something habitually, you can make a choice and do something else. 

Now, I’m not saying you need to take Google Maps or Instagram out of your lives (trust me I need Google Maps or someone will find me wandering lost somewhere in Los Angeles) or whatever your technological “thing” is, but just notice when it’s stressing you out and allow yourself to choose something different or limit the time you do the stressful thing. 

Humans

Relationships are so important when it comes to stress. We can spend time with people that give us energy and have us laughing, and feeling renewed afterward. We can also spend time with individuals that suck the energy from us, make us anxious before we even enter the situation, and create dread before seeing them that we all know. 

Notice who you are spending time with and whether or not you’re enjoying it and how it’s affecting your stress level. I love my friends and I love my family and I love my alone time. Make sure you’re getting a balance of activities that fuels the relationships that bring you the most joy, love, and acceptance possible. 

Don’t confuse your free time with the time that you are available. I have seen that phrase surfacing all over the internet and I am famous for squeezing as much into a day as possible when it comes to human interactions. But even with the people that energize us and that we love spending time with we can inadvertently create stress for ourselves by overbooking our calendars. It’s okay to block out time to sit home and binge “Love Is Blind.” It’s allowed to have an hour free for lunch where you don’t sit with anyone else if you need a moment. I have struggled as a people pleaser to say no to friends and family, people I adore, because I don’t want them to think I don’t love them, but taking time for myself and sitting in my sweats at home doing nothing is sometimes what I need more than anything. Take care of yourself. 

Notice how certain relationships affect you either positively, negatively, or neutrally. Decide what you want to do with your time and honor your wants and needs. Take stock of how this affects your stress level. Do you feel less stressed? More stressed? No change? Remember this is all up to you, do what allows you the most peace, love, excitement, joy, and freedom. 

Time of year

Maybe it’s just because I am both the daughter and the wife of an accountant, but April is the busy season (and this is your gentle reminder to call your accountant and do your taxes…omg I cannot believe I am saying that in a blog post…the CPAs in my life are taking over!!). There is so much going on at this time of year for my daddy and Domi. Work is piling up, clients are getting stressed, and then somehow my dad and I even start to feel the stress that tax season brings. We all have different seasons in the year and in life that are going to be the busiest for us and the people around us.

Notice what times of the year these are for you. It could happen multiple times, it could catch you by surprise, or it could be the same year after year. Just become aware of the times that are busy for you. 

Decide how you want to treat these times of year differently, if at all. Maybe these periods require a little extra grace, more alone time, or more of what fuels you. 

Stress isn’t going anywhere any time soon and since I don’t think all of us are going to up and move to Finland, which is the happiest country on the planet, we should learn to cope with our stress and meet ourselves where we are in our lives at this moment. Stress is normal. We all experience it. So let’s normalize stress and then find ways to deal with and create a little more breathing room that most of us need so urgently.