March 31, 2020
So, here’s some really, really exciting news during this really tough time…Domi and I are getting a puppy!! We aren’t quite ready to have actual babies, so we decided to be a puppy Mom and Dad first.
After four and a half years of working to convince Domi that we should get a dog, last week I showed him a photo of an adorable little guy and he said, “I think he’s really cute and I think this is a good time, let’s do it.”
I immediately flipped out, not ever expecting him to say yes after so many years and millions of “no’s.” And in the end, he ended up convincing me that now is a great time for us to have a dog. We’re both home, and we decided that regardless of what happens, we can make time for a little bundle of love and light.
Right away we went into action, making sure we have everything for our little angel to come home to. We have been vociferously devouring training videos, we’ve been educating ourselves to be the best puppy parents we can possibly be. We have thrown ourselves into preparations for one Mr. Mozart “Moe” Von Domsky.
Every morning around five AM I wake up wondering how he’s doing. Hoping he feels safe and warm and knows that he is going to come to the most loving, excited two people there ever were. Then today I got a call. Moe would still arrive at some point, but because of everything going on right now travel restrictions, especially for pets, have become very difficult to work around and it will likely take an additional two to three weeks to get him to his new home.
Okay, two to three weeks extra for our puppy to arrive, given the current state of the world, or really any state of the world, really shouldn’t be that big of a deal. However, I have dedicated every waking moment when I wasn’t working, or stressing about this virus, to thinking about holding a puppy in my arms. The mere thought of being distracted by walks around the block and potty training and being woken up in the middle of the night to calm down the little goober kept me going through this strange period of fear and powerlessness.
Moe’s delay was a “Coronappointment.” Which I have defined as “a disappointment brought on by the Coronavirus.”
Yes, I should be counting my blessings. Yes, I should be not focusing on myself and should be focusing on what I can do for the world when everyone is going through a period of such loss. Of jobs, of loved ones, of the whole world they know. What gave me the right to be so upset? But at the moment where I realized I was going to have to wait a month for the one thing I’ve been looking forward to made it feel like everything was crumbling and unbearable. It felt like I had suffered a major loss when in reality it is a 14 to a 21-day delay.
I would love to say I reacted well and didn’t sit crying in our front yard for a solid half-hour. I would love to say that I said, “alright, I understand, these things happen and in comparison to what so many people are suffering from, this is nothing. We’ll see Moe whenever he gets here. Thank you! Have a nice day!”
But I didn’t. I cried and I begged and I started researching any way I could to find a way to get Moe, who I have envisioned as the great fixer of all pandemic anxiety, here faster. I wanted to run on my own two little feet and grab my little doggy myself. I got frustrated. Really? I thought. Another known quantity becomes unknown? Right now?
Yes, my reaction was self-centered and just a touch crazy, but I have decided not to judge myself (too much) for it. There’s no point in beating myself up because my sadness and disappointment and frustration is mine and the sadness isn’t just the disappointment of not getting to have my puppy in my arms next week, it is the frustration with the lack of control that I have in the world around me. Normalcy seems to have slipped through my fingers and I expected a furry, fluffy, little dude was going to bring it all back to me. But yet again the universe has said, “Slow down Chelsea. Look at what you have. Breathe. You don’t know what tomorrow will bring and that’s okay. I got this. Let me take care of this, okay?”
And so, I am surrendering yet again to the Universe, I am throwing my hands up and saying, “Okay, whatever tomorrow brings, I will deal with it then.” I am understanding that nothing is a given in life, not even the arrival dates fluff balls with heartbeats and even before this virus started turning our world topsy turvy that was already the case—it’s just now that it’s so blatantly in our face.
So, it’s okay if what may be a small, insignificant thing, or delay to someone else is a huge deal for you. It’s alright that our reactions are sometimes a bit over-reactive at this time or at any time because adjustments aren’t easy, especially not in this environment. It’s okay. Whatever you are feeling right now, you are valid in feeling that. So, keep on feeling, while remembering to be grateful for the gift of life. Keep on feeling, while writing down your blessings. Keep on feeling, while looking for ways to support others. Keep on feeling in order to let the feelings go and to remember in your heart what is most important and that this one is on the Universe. We don’t have the control and the sooner we are okay with just riding the ride, the sooner our lives will become less fraught. (Yeah, I know, working on it…)
Happy day friends, I know so many of you are suffering during this time and I wish I could wrap my arms around the world and fix it. I know it’s not possible, but it is my dream. XOXOX, learning-to-be-patient CAMDW