December 13, 2019
I will start by saying that I have a husband that is good at everything and not just like “good,” but pretty freaking amazing at, well…everything. He always goes into something new going, “oh my gosh, I’m not sure, I’ve never done this before…” and then proceeds to blow everyone out of the water. It’s happened at instrument playing, yoga-practicing and most recently…ice skating.
So, last night, Domi, our friend, Alex and I decided to go ice skating. I used to take figure skating lessons. Okay, so it was probably 15 years ago, but still, if I could jump and turn on the ice then, I felt like the chances of me being able to propel myself in circles without any kind of tricks were going to be pretty high. So, when I took my first step out on the ice and almost pulled Alex and Domi down with me, I was pretty surprised. I held on to them for my dear life as my legs went one way and my upper body rocked the opposite and then my legs would jut out the other direction and my chest would heave forward. It was kind of like watching Bambi on ice, except Bambi had the great good fortune of having four legs and being lower to the ground than I did. I stared at the ice about 10 inches in front of me while I basically let Alex and Domi pull me around the rink. I could not get my feet under me and this was not for lack of trying. Then Alex needed a little break and all of the sudden one of my hands was free, I looked at Domi, a sheer look of terror on my face, let go of him and propelled myself, rather roughly, into the side of the rink as I had no recollection of how to put on the breaks in ice skates.
I looked down at my hands on the railing. My white knuckles made me sad. Was I really not able to skate anymore? Have I really lost such touch with something I excelled at earlier in life? As these thoughts floated around in my head I looked up and there was Domi flying by me, one leg on the ice the other leg extended into a perfect arabesque (he doesn’t even know what an arabesque is) behind him, his arms outstretched and smiling the goofiest, cutest smile. It was then that something occurred to me. My brilliant man of many talents, is that, for sure, but he is also fearless. He doesn’t care how he looks. He doesn’t care if he falls. He could give a tiny rat’s tuchas if someone laughed at him. He is so truly confident. He tells himself he can do something and he does it. That is his inherent nature.
So, I decided to give confidence and fearless-ish-ness a try. I gingerly inched myself away from the wall and started pushing the ice away with my feet. Left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot. Woosh, there he was again, Domi spinning effortlessly on the ice. I am nothing, if not a hint competitive, so, I lifted my eyes from the ice directly in front of me and started to pick up speed and much to my surprise I found that with speed, I actually got better. And then I got excited! I waved to Domi and Alex who were now watching me from the sidelines. Woahhhh…whoops… almost fell over there…okay, a little too much confidence came out maybe…but I felt like I’d unlocked one of the universe’s secrets. If I believed I could, I did. It was so freeing. I spent the rest of our time there somewhat wobbly and still a little bit nervous, but also exhilarated. I could do it. Maybe I wasn’t ready to take one leg off the ground yet, but I could, in fact, do it.
Domi, yet again, illustrated such a valuable lesson. He is good at so many things because he believes in himself and because he works hard and also because he doesn’t care what the heck anyone else thinks of him. So what if he falls on the ice in front of everyone? Would it really be so horrifyingly embarrassing that it would stop him from trying? Of course not. And if he falls and gets a bruise, well, is that really the worst thing? Heck no!
I’ve noticed with every year of life comes a little more fear of everything around me. I’m afraid of getting hurt, I’m afraid of trying new things, and, more than anything, I am afraid of looking stupid. When I listen to all of those fears I may feel like my life is wrapped up in a pretty little bow and that I have made everything safe around me, but all those fears are really doing is limiting my ability to enjoy life and experiences. Having enough confidence to believe you can do anything you set your mind to and not letting fears tie you down is a huge key to my hubby’s success and I’m determined to make it a key to mine. I am very good at believing in myself in the abstract, but when it comes to actually physically doing something I shut off. Ice skating and my love have taught me to look up, believe in myself and have faith that I can accomplish something on my own.
Happy Friday friends, please take a second this weekend to believe in yourself, no matter what it’s about. Maybe it’s cooking, or a sport, or work, or school, or anything! Just believe. Even if it’s not amazing right away it’ll get there and the experiences will be more fun when you’re leaning into the confidence and not just taking time to try and mitigate all of the things that might go wrong. Love you mucho, xoxoxo, CAMDW.