February 16, 2020
Because I am a woo-woo California girl, I had some biofield tuning done. If you don’t know what that is…it’s a form of healing with tuning forks where someone works on what you cannot see. Crazy s$!?, right?
Well, while I was having my chakras aligned the healer asked me “do you have issues with self-esteem?” At first, I was really taken aback. Me? Self-esteem issues? No way! I’m one of the most confident people I’ve ever met! I dismissed his comment. Self-esteem? Please. Not my issue… not in this lifetime at least! I have it by the boatload.
The next day I went to a party with my family. And after the party, I posted a video of some of the happenings to my Instagram story. The hosts of the party reposted everyone else’s story posts from the party to their Instagram, but not mine…and, much to my disbelief, it sent me into a tizzy. And then I got mad at myself for spiraling about something so inane. I really couldn’t understand why. Why did that upset me so much? It’s so unbelievably stupid! Social media?! I don’t even care about that crap…except that obviously I very much do.
In this day and age, it is ridiculously easy to measure yourself in terms of followers, likes, and comments.
A little bit later Domi and I were leaving for dinner. “What’s wrong baby?” He asked me.
“Nothing. I’m fine.” I replied…so clearly not fine.
“Baby, something is obviously wrong. Let’s talk about it.”
“I don’t want to. You’re going to think it’s stupid.”
“I promise, I won’t think it’s stupid, just tell me what’s going on.”
So, I told him. And much to my relief, he didn’t think it was stupid. We sat down in the car and started to unpack…ps guys, my husband has the patience of a saint.
Two things came to us:
1) Maybe confidence and self-esteem aren’t exactly the same thing and
2) Social media is a really stupid way to measure one’s self-worth
So we needed a solution. Social media isn’t going to go away and it’s not all bad, so, how do we change how it makes us feel?
When things are going well and everyone is telling me wonderful things about myself and how proud they are, and the likes and views and comments are rolling in I don’t need to look inside for my confidence because proof of it is right in front of me. But those voices come and go. We can never be sure when they’ll come around and one thing is for sure, they are never enough.
When we use social media or ANYTHING outside of ourselves to define our self-worth things get scary. I may be outwardly confident, but gosh darn it the healer was right—I have some serious self-esteem issues.
I don’t think confidence and self-esteem are the same things. But what I do think is that both confidence and self-esteem have to come from within. I have to stop looking outside to decide how I feel about myself inside.
I have known this for years, but it took someone dancing around me with tuning forks calling on my deepest insecurities I didn’t even know were there and an Instagram story for me to realize that what I present to the world and what I feel on the inside are two massively different things.
I remembered the mantra my therapist gave me “I am enough in and of myself because God/the Universe created me to be so.” Ugh—looks like she knew about these issues too.
Regardless of what anyone else says, I have to know at my very core the person I am is enough, what I bring to the table is enough. I decide. It is my choice to believe. If I keep looking outwards I will only be disappointed. I will only feel sad when I am not getting the reaction I want.
The solution doesn’t have to be no social media, it can be if that makes you happy, heck yeah! But if you are wanting to stay on these platforms or are trying to build a business that requires on some level a presence then we just need to change how we look at things.
Your definition of you is sitting inside of yourself. No one else out there has the answer so stop looking around. Just close your eyes. Change the words you use to define yourself. I respect myself. I am enough. I am confident. I am incredible. That’s all you have to know.
But this is hard. So, it’s okay if we slip up and forget. Who else has stories of utilizing the outside world as the definition of what you feel inside? You’re not alone. While we may not be able to fix each other we can always support each other in remembering to look inside, because what’s in there is so so good. Quick. Write down a list of 3 things you love about yourself and keep it with you just in case you ever foolishly forget how awesome you are.
Happy Sunday friends. I hope you are filled with joy and confidence and self-esteem all from the inside out!! XOXOX CAMDW