May 8, 2020
Judgment. Even the word sounds icky. It’s not fun when we are judged and ultimately judging others doesn’t feel so good either.
I put it out into the Universe this week that I was going to get better at handling judgment from the outside world and from people that I love very much (little bit more tricky). And boy howdy did the Universe is listen closely. No sooner did I say I was ready to work on this hurdle, did outside judgment start flying my way and so, lucky for me, I got the fast track to working on my issues as they presented themselves all over the damn place.
My feelings and thoughts on what I’ve discovered this week:
At first, judgment is never going to feel good and so it’s not a bad idea to let it not feel good for a bit.
Take it in, understand who is doing the judging, and no matter how close you are to that person, breathe it out and let it go (not easy, more on this in a few paragraphs).
Decide that you want to be who you are more than you want to make other people happy or abide by who they think you are.
And the next part…well, if you know me, you know what’s coming—sit down and journal it out until you feel you know your heart better. Take it from the scary place in your head that wants to eat you alive and put it on paper. Let it physically leave your body so that you’re left feeling strong about the decisions you’ve made and standing by them.
There are no wrong decisions. It all leads you somewhere for a reason. If it feels like it was the wrong decision afterward, it brought you something, in some way. I promise. Even if it was a tough lesson to learn. And it’s never too late to reroute and try something else.
Sometimes the decision is deciding to simply be who you want to be.
I had someone this week that I have been really close to decide that we were no longer the right friends for each other based on who I am as a person. Ummmm—ow.
At first, this hurt horribly. I was crushed. So, I sat down and talked about it with Domi, then I talked about it with my Dad, and some friends, then I got out my worn, leather journal and talked it out with myself. After several hours of tears, self-reflection, and a lot of thinking, I realized something—I am so happy being just who I am.
Maybe I am “too much” for some people. Maybe I do require devoted friends because I am a devoted friend. Maybe I am someone that doesn’t just have one or two love languages, but every freaking last one of them and I require a lot of love, too. And that is okay. I am so very happy being who I am.
After the tears and self-discovery, something else occurred to me. I asked that the Universe bring the right people into my life and so sometimes that means also having a clearing of people that maybe were the perfect people for me and I for them at one point, where we just don’t match up anymore and that’s no one’s fault. I literally filmed a video this week reminding the world that when someone walks out of your life you are creating space for new energy, new people, new lessons and new adventures(and new adventures always come with food and I love food).
It was time to remember my own advice.
I thought about my choices.
I thought about who I am as a human being.
I remembered that I regret no friendship and no decision because they always teach me something.
I decided that someone else’s judgment of who I am, is a-okay with me because I love me and my decisions and my occasionally bad grammar.
I wrote about it.
I picked myself back up to accept all of the new energy and light and life that is headed my way. I remembered I am creating a community and that will sometimes mean the Universe will clean house and I don’t get to decide what gets dusted.
So, let them judge away. I will not ask them to stop. What I can alter is the way I receive judgment. When I am in love with myself and my decisions everything else starts to fade away. I can stand on top of a mountain screaming, “OKAY. GO AHEAD. JUDGE ME.” And people will and I will stop caring so dang much because each time someone else’s judgment stings I will remember I have my pen, my paper, the Universe and me.
Happy Day, friends! I hope you stand on top of that mountain and declare it’s time to start making decisions for yourself and asking yourself what you want instead of everyone in the periphery. You are so great. I love you. XOXOX, CAMDW