August 11, 2020
Domi and I think a lot about our future children. We have pretty much since the day we met (yes, I know, we’re crazy people). I guess, sometimes that’s just what you do when you’re excited to have kids, but not quite ready for the actual endeavor of bringing tiny humans into the world.
Lately, I’ve been really focused thinking about how terrified I am about what I will pass down to my kids from my own issues and insecurities. I have made it a project to start working on some things I am struggling with not just for me, which is super important, but also for my future offspring. It’s a major motivator and when I am ready to give up the eternal quest of learning lessons and making myself a fuller, more well-rounded, at peace version of myself it helps motivate me to keep going.
Mostly, I’ve been most concerned about what I will pass on to my children surrounding trust. It’s something that once broken isn’t easy to rebuild. Especially when it’s with yourself, but it’s so, so important because who knows you better than you do? And who knows what you need more than you do? No one.
I think it’s next to impossible to help someone trust themselves, I believe that it’s a decision you have to make on your own and when you’re ready, but I also know that the day you decide to trust yourself is the day it feels like the whole world opens up. I want to help my children to live in a world where trusting yourself is priority number one.
Trusting yourself starts with really listening to your inner voice—no, not the one that continuously beats up on you, but the one that really knows what you want and need and what inherently feels right. When I make a decision that really feels right for me I get all giddy and I’m impossible to shut up. That’s how I know when I am trusting my decision making and listening to the cues my mind is giving me.
I’ve been struggling with a different part of learning to trust myself as of late. Not only trusting my heart and my mind but my body and what it needs. This is something I am acutely aware of not wanting to pass on to my little ones. I pray that they know how to listen and understand their hunger cues and they don’t lose that ability when the outside world starts to get into their minds. I know, I know, parents all over the internet are rolling their eyes at me. I have no control over what I will or will not pass on to these beings, but I believe it is my responsibility to work on my sh*? so that there is less of a chance of me engraining less-than-ideal thought patterns into the sweet (I hope) souls that will become our responsibility to parent and raise.
Do not get me wrong. I do this mostly for myself, but in those times where I am going in circles in my mind, I think, if I had a daughter or a son or a magical non-binary child, would I want them to be thinking this way about themselves? Would I want this internal struggle for them? I become instantaneously more kind to myself and thoughtful of what destructive thought patterns exist in my mind.
Happy day friends, it’s worth trusting yourself, for you, for your future and who knows ultimately who it could end up benefitting that you decided to be the most real, full version of you? XOXOX, CAMDW