You Can Stop Explaining Yourself Now And Here’s Why
October 26, 2021
As long as I’ve been alive I’ve required an explanation. How did you come to be? Why? How did it work? Was that hard for you? Did you ever want your family to be different? And don’t get me wrong, I don’t actually mind the questions, I just have realized that I am very used to explaining myself and I do it without thinking, even when an explanation isn’t required…like when making plans.
It’s really hard for me to say no to things. Do you know that feeling? I’m working on it, but something I’ve had to work through in the process is my need to explain why when I do say “no” to something. I used to feel that there always had to be a solid reason to turn something down, but here’s a not-so-secret secret, there doesn’t have to be any reason to say no to something. If you don’t want to do it that is reason enough to say no. You don’t have to come up with an excuse, you don’t have to try and finagle your way out of it you can simply say, “Oh, that doesn’t work for me!” or “Sorry, I won’t be able to make it.” Or any version that works for you.
We’re all so used to explaining ourselves and not trusting ourselves when it comes to what we do and don’t want to do, so let’s take a step back…when you’re asked to do something or make plans actually ask yourself:
1) Do I want to do this? If the answer is a genuine yes, then great! Woohoo! Say yes! But if the answer is no, or not sure, let’s ask ourselves some more questions…
2) What is behind my “no” or “not sure”? Is it fear? Is it because I truly don’t want to? Is it something else?
3) Allow yourself to explore the answer to those questions and feel free to say no or yes or whatever you feel without an explanation or rescheduling if that’s not what you want to do.
I’ve spent so much time saying “yes” to everything and then realizing I have to cancel because I’m exhausted, overwhelmed, or not in the mood and then I feel flaky, but what if I had the confidence and courage to say no, or to pick a date and time that works for me and my schedule in service of my self-care as opposed to constantly accommodating everyone else? What if we just said, “no?” What would happen then?
Food for thought, my friends. I’m thinking about you. I love you. XOXOX, CAMDW